I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Shame - the story of my life.
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