it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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