The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
