yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
