his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I wish you could order shots online.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
