You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
