I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
