uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Randomize
