hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
its not stalking. its research.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
