My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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