Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
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I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
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Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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