If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
