i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
