Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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