Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
