I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
my shit smells like andre
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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