had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
