he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
