Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
