I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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