im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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