I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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