dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
