I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
