just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
