I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
