Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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