a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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