is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
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