everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
