There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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