yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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