i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
