It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My bed smells like the plague
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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