will power is for people who don't want to get laid
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize