we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
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I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
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You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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