TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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