i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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