wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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