good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
