just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
