He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
