May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
