The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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