why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
