Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
