Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
