i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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