I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
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If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
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I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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