I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
