I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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