Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
zippers are such a cool invention
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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