Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Drake has all the answers
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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