508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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