a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
