I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
