it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
