My nipple is on Facebook.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
